(City Pages) A 16-year-old student at St. Paul’s Como Park High School brought cupcakes to his classmates on May 9. Nice gesture, right? Well, it’s not so nice when you fill one of the cupcakes with semen and the give it to an unsuspecting classmate. And then threaten to burn down the principal’s house after you get suspended for lacing your treats with that most illicit of all fluids. As unbelievable as that all is, it’s exactly what’s gone down the last couple weeks at Como Park High, according to a Pioneer Press report.
The “creamy” cupcake recipient began getting teased by his classmates May 10, the day after he ingested the treat his fellow student gave him. According to St. Paul police spokesman Paul Paulos, the victim’s classmates started asking him, “How he could do that, if it tasted funny, things like that, and he heard someone mention that semen was used in the cupcakes.” The alleged culprit reportedly only targeted one of his classmates for the semen-filled surprise.
Unfortunately, the student had already eaten the cupcake, so it will never be conclusively determined whether the 16-year-old who gave it to him is truly one of the most dastardly teenagers in world history or not. But the rumor itself was enough to prompt school administration to suspend the cupcake distributor, who then took to Twitter and threatened to burn the principal’s house down. The principal reported the threat to police, who haven’t arrested the student but have assigned an investigator to look deeper into the situation.
I’m kind of skeptical as to how this whole situation actually went down. And the fact that the fatty already ate the cupcake means we’ll never know if it was actually filled with semen. However, I see two possible scenarios. Either A. this kid brought in a single cupcake to give to one of the kids he hates who, for some reason, accepts and eats it. “Hey bro my mom baked you this delicious, semen-free cupcake.” Yeah okay how retarded would you have to be to accept suspicious, baked treats from your enemies in the first place. Which brings me to scenario B. the kid brought in a couple dozen cupcakes for the class and just told everyone “no no don’t take that one, that ones Johnny’s!” (Awesome Prank Farva) Either way it seems like it must have worked. And for that we thank you.
PS “According to St. Paul police spokesman Paul Paulos,” LOL GTFO Paul
PPS The kid who ate the cupcake is pretty much in a lose-lose situation here. Because even if he noticed there was semen in his cupcake, he’s pretty much guaranteed to get made fun of for knowing what semen tastes like